Signs It's Going To Be A Rotten Day

You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when...

     You wake up face down on the pavement

     You put your bra on backwards and it fits better

     You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold

     You see a '60 minutes' news team waiting in your office

     You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and they aren't there

     You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city

     You wake up to discover your waterbed has broken, then remember you don't have a waterbed

     Your car horn goes of accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels down
     the motorway

     Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache

     Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat

     You wake up and your braces are locked together

     You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business

     Your blind date turns out to be your ex wife

     Your income tax check bounces

     You put both contact lenses in the same eye

     Your pet rock snaps at you

     Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George

-- Author unknown...but troubled